Time to Hold Myself Accountable… Oh wait. We’re Remodeling.

Step one is admitting you have a problem right? Well I’ve succeeded in doing that as from previous posts. But, I lied.

I said I was quitting this past Friday, and well, I couldn’t do it. I totally and completely chickened out. Now, not to make excuses though it totally sounds like I am, in my defense, I was in a “mood” so to speak, for weeks.

Lets start at the beginning. First of all, my house is under major renovation. I literally have no kitchen or living area, and I have two kids, three and eight months. It’s been rough to say the least, for the last three weeks of this craziness. I told myself I could quit on Aug 30th. Well that day came and went in a flash and to tell you the truth, I’ve been depressed. Maybe it’s because my house isn’t the same, maybe it’s because my kids were driving me nuts, or maybe it’s because I just wasn’t ready to quit. Who knows what the true reason is.

Something changed this morning when I woke up. For the first time in weeks, I woke up feeling motivated, rejuvenated (not rested though of course because god forbid my kids should sleep straight through the night). I actually cleaned today, and did something fun with the kiddos and cooked (yes, cooked with no kitchen). After what felt like an eternity of feeling like a machine, a zombie, I feel like me again. And I’m ready to give this a real try.

So once again I need to pick a quit date. I also know I need to be realistic about it and realize I will have setbacks, as well as accomplishments. So here we go, again. I know I can do this. I know I have it in me. What I don’t understand is why smoking cigarettes is such a crutch? I feel like that’s something I need to discover while on is journey of trying to rid myself of this horrible addiction that my husband likes to refer to as “the cancer sticks.”

So part one is preparing myself to quit cold turkey as I once did years before. Then step two is figuring out triggers, and ways to cope through those triggers, and figuring out why those triggers are so strong.

Oh and hey guess what: I had a cigarette today and about halfway through, I put it out because it just didn’t taste good. Seriously, that actually happened. I was pretty proud.

It’s a step in the right direction, right?

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