I had my first boyfriend at 24. When I met him two months before Christmas of 2013, I realized how empowered I was of being a woman. I was able to share with him all my comical stories of becoming this and that; giving out that piece of me I haven’t told anyone before. I have the intellect and knowledge of an individual who’s trying to fit in, and he on the other hand had more stories to share. I was awed because of him and for the first time in my life, I got schooled by someone older from the opposite sex. He was and is actually very understanding of me; even though I always want it my way. Now that we’re together for half a year, differences and arguments start to take place and I guess something is wrong with me. I’m becoming the person I never wanted to be: Crazy and Too Attached. My boyfriend is very understanding, but I know he has his limits. I am hoping this list could enlighten me, and help some people out there as well. These are the reasons why I’m a bad girlfriend:
1. I always want to be with him. I do not give him space. If I continue doing this, he will eventually get tired of me being clingy and too attached. I feel like I’m not growing as a person because I sulk on seeing him every day. I am now realizing that it’s important to give your partner an “Alone Time” for them to be able to recharge from work and checking them once in a while would be enough for them to see that they are growing as well as individuals.
2. I keep on ranting. He has his fair share of rants as well, but mine are irrational and irrelevant issues of everyday cycle. I know that he listens to me, but sometimes, there are things I need to keep to myself and reflect on first before whining and whining.
3. I have a hard time listening. I always want him to be the one to listen to me. There are even times when I do not listen to him, especially when I feel grumpy and feeling burned out. Communication for partners is a two-way process, regardless of feedback or noise; a couple should learn how to exert that extra effort of listening to one another in dialogue.
4. I carry his burden way out of hand. Whenever he tells me his problems, I become too sympathetic to the point of becoming grumpy as well. I realized later on that he just wants me to listen and give him the positive energy to see the brighter side of his problems.
5. I’m expecting too much. I daydream too much, most especially in times when he is busy. I want him to visit me while he’s at work. Bad of me to demand most of the time for us to see each other. I have to stop being a princess of this delusional castle.
6. I’m too impulsive. I’ve always wanted the surprise effect. It’s doing us no good. He values schedules and I always go all the way to his place for us to date even if I have classes the other day. It doesn’t come as a surprise to him whenever I do that, instead, it disappoints him.
7. It’s always about me. There are times when he needs to figure things out by himself, and me being the bad girlfriend wants to talk to him about me: about my career path, my every day rants, blah blah blah. I feel guilty. Instead of cheering him up, I lack the self-esteem to motivate him. Now, I am realizing that I should be more careful of what I communicate to him and see to it that I listen to him as well.
Now that I’ve listed these all down, I find the relief of accepting who I am as well. I have all these flaws as a girlfriend, but hey, I love him and I would be more than willing to change not only for him and me, but for us. As a matter of fact, after this, I would talk to him and tell him how I value our relationship so much that I will do anything for him to feel that he’s not my man, but he’s a man.