Day one of truly contemplating quitting smoking is happening. Right now. I am actually thinking I can finally do this, well, maybe. I've been smoking since I was seventeen. I'll be twenty-seven next month. Something about smoking for ten years just doesn't sit right with me, but let's be real, that's not what's motivating me to quit. And what actually is, surprised me. But before we get into that, let's get some history.
I'm me. Mother of two, wife of a firefighter, and adopted daughter from a stereotypical Brooklyn Jewish home (but we transplanted to south Florida when I was a kid). Long story short, I didn't know I was adopted until I was eighteen, and I didn't find out in a traditional way. I had a few rough years with rehab, bad guys and drugs, but got my crap together about six months before I met my now husband. In 2010 we had a little girl, and this last January we had a little boy. Then I got my tubes tied. One little me is enough. We are praying my son is like my husband.
Anyway, I obviously was smoking when I met my husband, though I told him I wanted to quit. Six ears later, he still periodically comes up with new ways to try to get me to kick the habit. Yes, I quit, for the most part, while I was pregnant (I am not proud nor ashamed to admit that). But this summer he actually may have found a way to get me to quit, or so I think.
A few days ago he came to me with a proposition. He said "Baby, What about if I give you $150 a month, that's all yours to spend on you, not the kids, me or anyone else, just you." Of course my eyes light up until I realize wait, this is his newest scheme to get me to quit. So of course I played dumb, and asked "I love this idea. What's the catch?" And then came the answer, "You quit smoking."
So here I am. Staring at my bitten fingernails, chipping toe polish, sad wardrobe, and thinking, $150 a month and I can get my nails done. Toes done. New clothes. Anything I want without having to worry it would bust our budget this month, or feel bad because I should get the kids yet another new fancy outfit. Money to pamper myself some, or go out or do whatever I want with and all I have to do is quit smoking. I finally have a carrot dangling in front of me to actually get me moving on the quitting process that I have honestly wanted to do for some time now.
So, I think I'll try it. I mean, my kids need a mom and I don't want to be on one of those "Quit Florida" commercials with a hole in my throat.