An Introvert’s Guide to Going Out


What could be better than dancing all night surrounded by strangers whilst being disoriented by flashing lights and loud music?  Literally anything. Going out is the worst.  Is there any way of coping with the inevitable night out with friends if you’re an introvert? Turn it down? Not this time, you crafty beast. Unfortunately, you’ve been dragged into the night’s events. Luckily, I’m providing you with a step-by-step guide on how to survive the events of a night out. You can thank me later, preferably when you’ve returned home to recharge by curling up with your favorite book in your cozy chair in the corner accompanied only by silence and a cup of tea.

So you’re in a bar with friends. What’s the worst that could happen? Fire, you say? Death? No, it’s the dreaded, mind-numbing small talk. Introverts are no good at this. At all. It’s a huge struggle to carry on a conversation like this with introverts because we hate it and as much as we try to satisfy your small talk needs, it’s not happening. How many different ways can the weather be described? Your day at work? It’s excruciating.  Some tips to add some zest to small talk, introverts?

1) Pretend to know about generic pop culture.

For example:

“Wow that girl looks like Kimberly Kardaschismatch.” (*Uttered with fake enthusiasm.*) “Oh my god is that Channing Tatum?!”

2) When small talk is starting, immediately create a distraction.

  • Start chanting, “Shots! Shots! Shots!” until they actually start doing shots.
  • Friends talking about the weather?  Pull up YouTube clips of crazy tornadoes on your phone. Then tell them you want to be a storm chaser. Do your best storm reporter impression complete with fake microphone, usually done with a fork or similar object, some intense wind noises, mess up your hair a bit and turn your glasses (assuming you wear glasses) slightly askew. Watch how this plays out.
  • Pretend your phone’s ringing. Take the call.

3) Change the subject.  Simple as that.

  • Don’t want to talk about work?  Make a creative segue into last night’s episode of Castle.  For example, “Speaking of work, I wouldn’t want to have Beckett’s job. Running after criminals while wearing stilettos?  Not with these weak ankles!” (*Insert laughter here?)
  • Tell them about that thing your dog did today. (You know that thing. It was adorable and hilarious. Do this complete with full reenactment.)

4) Dance.

After a drink or two, grab your friends and dance. Start out by dancing in your chair (preferably robot style) then continue with classic moves such as “the sprinkler” and “the shopping cart” and, hey, throw down a quick Irish jig if you’re really feeling it.

5) Make an excuse to leave.

Going out is just not your thing. If you’re really not enjoying yourself, leave. You’ve made your appearance. Now go to the movies, go home and watch TV, or go out to coffee with a close friend or two. Trying the “going out” thing is beneficial once in a while, but don’t make yourself miserable trying to prove that you’re “hip” and “up with the times”. You have your own interests that make you happy. Follow them.

Photo: Flickr

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