In finding the love that you want, it is important to develop the ability to receive not only love, but also support and help from other people. You need to realize that giving love to other people is necessary, yet accepting love from others is also as crucial. Many books, films, and even lessons in school told you that giving selfless love or unconditional love is the best way of loving other people. Although that may be true, being a little selfish will not hurt you as well. You need to limit your level of selflessness in order to receive love from the people who matter to you.
Why Being a Little Selfish is Important
Being selfless is a beautiful trait that you can have as a person because it means that you can love other people more than you love yourself. However, a bit of selfishness is also necessary in order to make sure that you will have enough love to give. Being slightly selfish means you will not exhaust yourself from all the giving you do for other people. Always giving, giving, and giving may grant you love, but it can also wear you out physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even mentally.
Sometimes you need to stop and step back and become astounded by seeing how much other people will want to love you back. In doing so, you will realize what kind of love you truly deserve instead of measuring another person’s love by comparing it with the kind of love that you are giving away. Remember that in a relationship, most especially, you cannot always be the giver, or else you will end up thinking that you are the one who always loves more. Give and share love, but do not forget to give yourself a break and accept love from other people as well, particularly from your partner.
If you are still single and are craving for real romance or even if you currently have a partner that you will want to be with forever, you need to know the love that you truly deserve. Here are some ways you can determine what kind of love is worthy for someone as loving as you.
Compare Your Previous Partners
This is only for those who have had more than two previous partners, obviously. Create a list of the things that your exes have in common, from the good things up to those things that you think are their worst traits. By creating this list, you will know which type of person you really want to be with and what kind of man or woman you must avoid in the future. Listing the good and the bad things about your previous partners also gives you a good picture of the traits that are deal breakers for you. With this list, you can figure out what you truly want for a partner and how much ugliness you can accept from your partner’s personality.
Know What You Really Want to Receive from a Relationship
Aside from limiting your selflessness a little and putting your previous lovers in a compare-and-contrast test, you also need to create a list of what you think you want to receive from your relationship. If you do not have a partner yet, making a list of what you are expecting most from a relationship is necessary so that you will know if your needs are being met once you have a partner.
However, if you are currently in a relationship, making this list is still equally important because it gives you a good picture of what a fulfilling relationship is based from what you want to receive. As an experiment, create this list and ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to do the same. Once you are done with your respective lists, trade it with your partner. Read the list and figure out if you can actually provide what he or she is expecting from your relationship. Are you ready and more than willing to love him or her the way he or she wants to be loved? Doing this will give you a realistic look on how you will approach your relationship, and how you can become a more loving partner.
Never Settle for Anything Less
Even when you have not really determined what kind of love you actually deserve, one thing is certain, you should never settle for anything less than what you think you deserve. If you are single, do not just get anyone to become your partner without giving it much thought first. Being alone sucks, but remember that to be emotionally invested in someone who cannot give you the love that you actually deserve is even worse.
Image by: IOHK