Steps to Save An Almost Loveless Marriage

Marriage with no love between the couple is unlikely to survive. If you feel your marriage is losing the love that should be there, steps must be taken to save even the last trace of this important element. Many couples think that saving a loveless marriage is impossible; thus, they don’t even lift a finger to do anything. This represents one of the many wrong attitudes couples have because in truth, there are ways to save a loveless marriage.

The reason why a man and a woman get married is that they love each other. Without love, the union is bound to fail from the very start. However, some couples later discover love through years of being together and succeed in making the marriage work for the better. If this is possible in a marriage where love is not initially there, how can it not be more doable between couples that got married because of love? If you’re a husband or wife who realizes that love is slipping away after, say, 10 years of marriage, you must find ways to rekindle the love that used to bind you together.

To Save or Not to Save

The decision to save a loveless marriage does not only come from either the husband or wife, but it must be from both the partners. There are cases when only one spouse is trying to save the marriage while the other wants to leave it. The best way for the couple to resolve this is to have a dialogue wherein they can identify the root cause of the problem. Unless both of you agree to talk reasonably and cooperate through the process, you can’t save the marriage on your own.

If the couple is no longer in love with each other but still wants to save the marriage, they must be able to pinpoint the reason for falling out of love. Just like anything with damage, the first thing to know is what caused it and how extensive it is to come up with steps to repair it, especially if there’s no desire to throw it away. Therefore, if you or your partner wants to save a marriage where love is not present anymore, you must take time to repair the problem that’s causing damage to your relationship.

Where the Fatal Problems Lie

The key in saving a loveless marriage is to find and fix the fatal problems that are eating away the relationship. Knowing what and where the destructive causes are, it unblocks the road to the next step. Once you’re able to identify what makes the marriage unstable, you can focus in finding ways to strengthen it. For example, if your husband or wife opens up during your dialogue that he or she feels you lack time for the family, then you know that you need to prioritize them over other matters like work, sports, or friends.

It is important to be a good listener to hear your partner. This is not the time to be confrontational and argumentative. Once the problems have been laid out, zero in on the fatal items, and strike out petty annoyances. The fatal problems are largely the ones overshadowing the love. When they are out of the picture, you’ll find it easier to address minor problems until they just disappear.

Spend More Time with Each Other

Nowadays, many intervening factors can ruin even the ideal marriage – Internet, television, vices, work, and friends. Without even noticing it, you are drifting apart from your partner if you spend more time with these distractions instead of spending quality time with your spouse. They can kill love even you’re just a foot away because something separates you away. If you watch too much television or play games in the computer, you spend less time talking with the spouse. If you notice the increasing gap between the two of you or realize that these things are the usual cause of frustration in your partner, you need to change your priorities and balance your time between your married life and your other activities. The spouse or family always comes first in your shortlist of priorities. If you’re busy during the week, reserve the entire weekend to make it up by spending quality time with your partner. Even people in love need to be constantly reassured of their feelings, and that’s just what your spouse needs to save the marriage on time.

Keep a Healthy Sexual Relationship

Sex is part of marriage, whether love is present or not. However, a man and a woman have different preference when it comes to sex. Married couple must not be ashamed to talk about sex and discuss how you can satisfy each other’s needs on bed. Keep yourself physically attractive and don’t lose that something mysterious that only your partner can uncover. Express Appreciation With all the hustle and bustle of daily life – work, chores, and responsibilities with the kids, many married couples often fail to show appreciation to each other. But the simple thanks come a long way in showing love, affection, and importance to your partner.

You can start by expressing one thank you a day for an errand or a housework done. In that practice, you are also encouraging your partner to do the same and appreciate you for the simple things. In the words of Bettina Arndt, well-renowned motivational speaker and author of The Sex Diaries, “The good husbands understand and offer to help. “All you have to do is ask,” they say. But even helpful husbands have to be thanked, their contributions acknowledged, credit given.” Being more vocal of positive things can improve the relationship. It makes you understand each other more.

If all else fails in your attempt at saving a loveless marriage, consider getting help from a marriage counselor. Sometimes, it takes a third party to see from another perspective what you’re hoping to solve to save the marriage.

 

Image credit: Kumon via Flickr Creative Commons

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