Embracing My Tears

The days where you try so hard to keep your emotions and feelings in check; the heart aches and you feel tears welling up. I hate those days. I’m having one of those days, right now, this very minute and at this very second. I’m telling myself that I do not need to cry right now. I don’t have time to cry right now, besides that, I’m sick of the stigma that I’ve created of myself. I’m emotional. I cry because I’m a woman.

I’ve started to hate the fact that I cry… “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.” Words said to me as a younger child many times where I was emotionally upset, but told to calm myself down. So many years of being stifled and just as many of being mocked for the wet droplets that creep from my eyes. Those droplets of salt water might as well raise tiny flags to announce their presence, not only that, but they should fall with a sound so loud to attract even more attention.

When I’m upset I generally do not like to raise my voice, it’s hard enough to speak up in general. I’d much rather talk out my feelings or frustrations. Yelling or being yelled at is something I’ve disliked since I was a child. The only reason I ever yelled was more or less the feeling my concerns/worries/feelings were being ignored.

Crying isn’t something I’ve ever done to manipulate and let it be known I would not be a good actress as I cannot cry on command. I cry because it seems to be the only way I can release the excess emotion that wells up within my gut. The times where I feel the most shameful, the most criticized, and the most vulnerable are when my tears show. They also show when I’m touched by something either happy or sad. My tears are multifaceted yet they are mocked for the fact they exist. So I sit here, deciding whether or not I should just allow one to fall. I just do not have the desire to try and chase away the others that would threaten to trickle down.

I’m sad that I’ve chosen to be frustrated with them. I’m a raw person who has a hard time “faking it” and I wish, oh how I wish, I could be better at that.

That isn’t me. Tears are supposed to be a release…why are they mocked? I feel everyone has a different way of dealing with their sad, stressful, emotional, and happy times. If tears happen to be involved, stop shaming the person who let them show. Allow that person to let them flow without concern or worry of being judged. Sometimes you just have to cry a little.

 

Photo from Flickr Creative Commons

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